A Better Way

 by JenniferWhite, President, The JWC Group

Broadcast of 4/29/99

Subject: Battle The Judgement In Your Life

A BETTER WAY
A nationally syndicated column
by Jennifer White
jencoach@successu.com
I'm battling a lot of judgement in my world these days.

I don't often see my life in terms of battles, but today, I'm frustrated. And I'm fighting back.

Let me explain what's going on. Lately, I've experienced a lot of people who believe there is only one way to accomplish something. One path to success. One action that will bring results. One way to create fulfillment in their lives.

It all started with a woman I met at a booksigning. I often speak about my book, (ital) Work Less, Make More, (end ital) at bookstores nationally, and I get to meet some of the most interesting people. At the end of my talk one evening, I gave the audience the opportunity to ask me specific questions about their challenges in working less and/or making more.

One woman said to me, "Okay, I like your idea. But I can't do it your way. I have two kids. I'm a single mom. I don't make enough money." And the list went on and on.

My response was, "There isn't just one way to make more of your life."

Here was a woman who was articulate, passionate and full of spunk. But she had it in her mind there was only one path to success, one perfect way to accomplish what she wanted, and her situation was preventing her from achieving it.

I see people do this all the time. You get upset with your staff because they don't do it the "right" way. You get frustrated with your children who don't study the "right" way. You get angry at yourself because you don't do it "right." The right way is very often YOUR way. And in your mind, the right way is the perfect way. As if there's only one way.

That's what burns my butt. When you get so caught up in the right way of doing something, you become judgmental. You close yourself off from new ideas. You isolate yourself from other people because they don't follow your line of thinking. You surround yourself with "yes men" and "yes women" who never challenge your ideas. And you start criticizing any idea that doesn't fit into your way of thinking.

There's a big difference between judging and having an opinion. When you have a strong opinion, it's okay for others to have opinions, too. When you're judging, there are no other opinions.

Is it possible there is more than one right answer? Yes, of course, there is more than one way to succeed.

Your extreme thinking ­ of only seeing one way to do something ­ is a real block to having the joy you imagine. Life is not black or white. It's full of lots of gray. But when you live in a judgmental, critical, black-and-white world, you never experience what life has to offer you.

I understand that appreciating what's different can be hard. It's easy to get caught up in believing your idea of what's right is the same as everyone else's. Yet when you start to see there are other ideas just as powerful as your own, you can become afraid. Your fear starts to kick in to protect you from something new. It feels safer living in the same old box you've been in for all these years.

When you're challenged with new ideas, you often ask yourself, "Could I be wrong?" No one likes to be wrong, so you fight to defend your ideas. You shut yourself off because you, frankly, don't want to admit that maybe there's an idea out there that could be better than your own.

Ultimately, you're afraid of feeling stupid. And that fear prevents you from seeing that just maybe there are other ways to work and live. Here's an important part: there are ways that are just as successful as the way you choose to live.

Join me in my fight against judgement in the world. Give up your quest to be right, and open yourself up to the possibilities life has to offer. It's much more fulfilling and a lot less stressful.


Copyright 1999, Jennifer White. All rights reserved. Please do not duplicate this information without written permission.

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